Restless, Bored, and Counting Down the Minutes: An ADHD Nightmare!

Have you ever been on one of those guided history tours where the tour guide talks… and talks… and talks…?

On a trip to Lisbon recently, a friend signed me up for a guided history tour. It sounded like a great idea at first - beautiful city, rich history, expert guide. But about twenty minutes in, I hit a wall (in my head). As the guide went on (and on) about ancient walls and royal lineages, I started to feel restless.

As much as I wanted to be interested, my body and brain began to rebel.

My legs ached from standing still for so long. My mind drifted. I looked at my watch again and again, wishing the time would speed up. I started fantasising about making an escape, even though I knew it would be socially off to just walk away. I felt trapped - and the longer it went on, the more unbearable it became. The tour was three hours long. Even with a couple of breaks, it was way too much. By the end, I was totally drained - I was just counting down the minutes to freedom.

Sound familiar?

This is exactly what many of our kids with ADHD experience - at school, in conversations, or even during family activities. That rising sense of discomfort, the ticking clock in their heads, the desperate urge to move, or leave, or do something else.

It’s not that they’re trying to be difficult. Just like me on that tour, their nervous system is on overload. Attention is slipping. The environment feels restrictive. And when escape isn’t an option, frustration builds.

So how does this help you as a parent?

Here’s what my own meltdown reminded me:

• Boredom isn’t a choice. Just like I didn’t choose to be uninterested in that guide’s ten-minute detour of Portuguese tilework , our kids don’t choose to switch off either. Their brains are wired to seek out stimulation, and when it’s not there, they drift - or act out.

• Movement is a need, not defiance. If I had been given longer breaks and more time to sit down, I’d have got through the experience so much better. The same goes for our kids. Letting them move before they reach breaking point can prevent so many meltdowns.

• Feeling trapped makes everything worse. When we give our kids choices - “Do you want to do your homework here or at the table?” - “Do you want to do it now or in 15 minutes?” - we reduce that sense of powerlessness that can lead to explosions.

• Empathy changes the game. Remembering how hard that tour was for me helped me identify with my inner-child. It’s typical of how children feel when they’re stuck in a boring, never-ending situation. It doesn’t mean the answer is to let them opt out of everything, but it does mean that we can be more compassionate in how we support them.

The next time your child seems restless or distracted, maybe think about if it was ‘your’ body feeling all that pent up stress. It might just help you understand things a little differently - and that small shift could make a big difference.