How to Rebuild Trust After Yelling at Your Child

Parenting a child with ADHD brings immense joy, creativity, and energy to family life, but it also comes with unique challenges. The impulsivity, intensity, and resistance to everyday routines can test even the most patient parent. At times, emotions run high, and despite our best intentions, we find ourselves raising our voices and losing control. In the aftermath of yelling, many parents are left feeling guilty and worried that they have damaged their child’s trust.

It is important to remember that no relationship is defined by its moments of rupture, but by how those ruptures are repaired. In fact, for children with ADHD, who are more likely to experience criticism and correction than praise, the way a parent chooses to reconnect after yelling can be especially powerful. Repair not only restores trust but also models for your child how healthy relationships recover after conflict.

The first step in rebuilding trust begins with self-compassion.

Parenting a child with ADHD can feel relentless. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of believing that one mistake defines us. It doesn’t. Acknowledging your own humanity allows you to approach your child with genuine warmth rather than with defensiveness or guilt. This emotional steadiness sets the tone for repair.

Reconnecting Beyond Words:

When you are ready to speak to your child, get down to their level, and offer a simple and clear apology. Children with ADHD often find lengthy explanations overwhelming and confusing, so the most effective approach is to keep it straightforward: acknowledge that you shouted, take responsibility for it, and make it clear that it was not your child’s fault. Avoid linking your apology to their behaviour, as children with ADHD are already sensitive to feelings of blame and shame. What matters most is that they hear you accept responsibility for your own actions.

Once the apology has been given, it is essential to reassure your child of your unconditional love and their emotional safety. Many children with ADHD internalise a sense of being ‘always in trouble’ and moments of anger can reinforce this narrative. By affirming that your love is constant and that your child is safe even when things go wrong, you help to protect their self-esteem and sense of security in your relationship.

Repair, however, is not achieved through words alone. Children with ADHD often respond more strongly to connection than words and further discussion. Instead of revisiting the incident at length, focus on re-establishing warmth. This may take the form of sitting together to read a story, sharing a playful moment, or simply offering physical closeness through a hug. Connection communicates stability, and when a child feels secure they are more receptive to learning and problem-solving in the future.

What to Do if Your Child Runs Away or Withdraws

Some children with ADHD respond to yelling by withdrawing; either physically by running to another room or emotionally by shutting down and avoiding contact. This reaction can feel deeply painful for parents, but it’s important to understand it as a self-protective response. In those moments, the best first step is to give your child space to regulate. Chasing after them or pressing for immediate resolution often heightens their sense of being overwhelmed.

For many children with ADHD, this withdrawal is also linked to rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD). In the intensity of the moment, they may not only feel overwhelmed, but also deeply wounded by what they interpret as rejection. A raised voice can quickly spiral into painful thoughts such as ‘I’m bad’, ‘You don’t love me’, or ‘I’m your worst child’.

Understanding both layers, the self-protective behaviour and the underlying rejection sensitivity can help you respond with greater compassion. The best immediate step is to give your child the space they need to calm down, while signalling that you are still present and available. A quiet statement such as, “I know you need space. I’ll be right here when you’re ready”, provides reassurance without pressure.

When your child begins to soften or return, keep the repair simple. A calm apology, paired with reassurance of love, helps counteract the ‘you hate me’ narrative that RSD can create. Over time, your consistency in apologising, reconnecting, and affirming your child’s value helps them internalise a more secure message: that my parents’ love is unconditional.

In the Aftermath…

After the situation has settled, it can be useful to reflect privately on what led to the lapse in control. Often, both parent and child are contending with unmet needs: fatigue, hunger, overstimulation, or stress. Recognising these triggers enables you to anticipate similar situations and adjust your responses for next time. If appropriate, you might share a simple version of this reflection with your child, such as explaining that you were tired and did not handle it well. In doing so, you model emotional awareness and demonstrate that mistakes happen to all of us, even adults.

Ultimately, rebuilding trust after yelling is not about striving for perfection. For children with ADHD, consistency is far more important to them. They need to know that even when things go wrong, their parents will always return, provide safety, and reconnect. This consistency reassures them that their relationship with you is secure and dependable. Over time, these moments of healing form the foundation of family resilience and trust, showing your children that love is unconditional even in the most difficult moments.

If you have lost your temper with your child, remind yourself that repair is not only possible but also deeply transformative. By taking responsibility, offering assurance, and returning to connection, you teach your child one of the most valuable lessons of life: relationships can withstand mistakes and we come out of them stronger. Your child does not need a perfect parent. What they need is a parent who is willing to connect, heal from mistakes, and love them consistently.