Why 'Quality Time' Looks Different with ADHD Kids

This is a question I ask almost every parent I work with: "when was the last time you spent ten minutes alone with your child, doing something they chose, with no agenda, no teaching, and no phone?"

This article is about that time. I'm going to call it ‘special time’ - a short, daily, one-to-one window where your child chooses the activity and you follow their lead. It sounds almost too simple to matter. But the research suggests it may be one of the most powerful things a parent can do, not only for their child with ADHD, but for every child in the household.

What is special time?

Special time is not a reward or a structured activity. It is a brief, predictable, daily period - usually between ten and fifteen minutes - where a parent gives their child their complete, undivided attention. The critical ingredient is this: the child decides what happens. They pick the activity, they set the pace, they lead the play. The parent’s job is to be present, interested, and willing to follow.

The reason child-led interaction works is not complicated. For a child with ADHD, most of the day involves being corrected, redirected, or managed by others. Special time reverses that dynamic entirely.

For a short, protected window, the child is not the problem to be solved. They are the person whose ideas matter.

Why the Child’s Ownership is Everything

When parents hear ‘special time’, many instinctively reach for an activity they think will be good for their child: Lego, a board game, arts and crafts, a walk to get some exercise. These are all fine activities. But the moment the parent chooses the activity, it stops being special time and starts being another adult-directed experience in a day already full of them.

The research supports giving children this ownership. A recent 2024 study, examines both parent-reported and child-reported strengths in children with ADHD. They found something important: children consistently rated their own family involvement and interpersonal strengths higher than their parents did. The children felt more connected than their parents believed them to be.

A separate study published last year has found that the traits most strongly associated with long-term wellbeing in children with ADHD (self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-determination) are cultivated not through behaviour-focused programmes but through relationships where the child feels understood and valued.

Daily special time directly serves this. It is not trying to fix ADHD symptoms. It is building the connection from which a child develops the self-knowledge and confidence to manage their own challenges over time.

What Special Time Looks Like in Practice

Special time does not require equipment, money, or a perfect setting. Here is a simple framework.

Set a time and ringfence it: Make it the same time each day if possible. Even very young children quickly learn to anticipate it. Give it a name if you like; “Liam’s time” or “Mummy play”. The predictability itself becomes settling for a child whose day often feels chaotic.

Let the child choose: If they want to play with slime, play with slime. If they want to tell you about a video game while pacing around the room, listen and pace with them. If they want to play with their Pokémon cards, sit nearby and show an interest. Your only boundary is safety.

Describe, don’t direct: Instead of asking questions or giving instructions, narrate what you see: “You’re using all the blue bricks first.” “You’ve decided to start over.” It tells the child that someone is paying close, non-judgemental attention to them.

Put your phone away: Ten minutes of genuine presence is worth more than an hour of half-attention. Children, who are highly attuned to whether adults are truly engaged, can tell the difference immediately.

End it warmly and clearly: When the time is up, say: “That was really good. I enjoyed that. We’ll do it again tomorrow.” The ending matters as much as the beginning. It teaches the child that connection also comes with boundaries.

Why Every Child in the House Needs Special Time

This is the part that often gets missed. When one child in a family has ADHD, the reality is that a vast share of parental time, energy, and emotional bandwidth goes toward managing that child’s needs. And as a result of this, the other siblings can feel overlooked and build up feelings of resentment.

This is exactly why special time should not only be offered to the ADHD child. Every child in the family deserves a daily window of undivided parental attention, where they lead and the parent follows.

In practical terms, this might mean one parent does special time with one child while the other parent is with a sibling, and they rotate. The logistics matter less than the actual message you’re trying to convey: “this is your time, and right now there is nowhere else I would rather be”. It doesn’t need to be perfect. The only thing it truly needs to be is theirs.